Mind; the Final Frontier

I feel it has been a long time since I have sat down to write and since coming out of retreat. I have been in a whirlwind of activity which is, after retreat mentally exhausting. Partly it is just the mind and body speeding up again to keep up with reality but also volunteering with Sonam at Arya Tara Mandir was a full on  busy but great experience. Anyway I now sit in the bus station in Delhi and have 2 hours to catch you up the travels and also take some time to remind myself of the retreat experience by trying to communicate it to you. 

Ahhhhhh….. BUT Hold on ………… a young, lost, blond, American lass with a huge back pack just came up to me and needed some assistance with getting her bus sorted out; it is her first time in India. OK try again……. BUT Now I have a well dress mid 40’s man plunk himself right next to me and is staring at my every click on the keyboard, guess he has never seen a white woman type? Patience Linda, patience. There is not much peace at the bus station but here goes.

So retreat!

The following lines are the opening of the primary text of Buddha’s teaching; The Dhammapada and we would recite these lines every morning to remember why we were attempting to train our minds. I found these lines, simple, clear, practical and inspiring; maybe you will too.

Mind is the foreunner of all conditions. Mind is cheif and thoughts are mind made.                                                         If with and impure mind one speaks or acts then pain follows                                                                                    just as sure as the wheel follows the hoof of an ox

Mind is the forerunner of all conditions.Mind is cheif and thoughts are mind made.                                                If with a pure mind one speaks or acts then happiness follows just like the shadow than never leaves.                                                      

We humans are constantly looking outside of ourselves for comfort, happiness, solutions to social problems or answers to our existential crises; very few people look inward. However in our defense, having two eyes that look outward, we have simply just not acquired the habit of looking inward. Historical though those that do delve into the inner landscape have came up with some amazing insights and advice for us; i.e. Jesus, Buddha, Mahavira, Moses, Mohammed, Bahila but also many realized people of no religious faith such as Krishnamurti and even today we have Ekart Tolle, who I believe has some realization of ultimate reality…http://www.eckharttolle.com and I just heard about a teacher called Mooji which I have to find out about. http://www.mooji.org/

I think we humans are also wired to seek solutions to our problems or search for happiness not only outside of ourselves but also just over the next ridge, over the border, in a new sunrise, in a new relationship or like Captain Kirk and the crew in the next galaxy. We are all optimists or adventurers believing that answers lie out there, somewhere and that we just have to find them. So we spend our lives chasing this desire to attain peace/ happiness, attempting all kinds of stunts and schemes in the process only to come home empty handed, disillusioned or unsatisfied. The individual or ego with its huge sense of self importance gets such a boost when it finds just a wee bit of happiness or an answer to a question, especially when it can show all the other egos how great it thinks it is. My point is that questing inward is relatively new territory for us masses. It is fearfull, uncomfortable territory and takes I think it takes guts to admit to the state of one’s mind; well I know my mind is not always so pretty. So anyway I say that Buddhism is not opium but a very scientific approach to understanding the mind, it is not for the faint of heart and if retreat is the laboratory then meditation is the method used in the experiment of knowing the mind. Can it bring ultimate happiness and answer our questions like the teachers say? Well that is for each to find out. Many people will never even think to try, some will dabble in attempt to get a bit of peace, to be seen as cool or gain a bit more focus so they can be successful in their job or business. Then there are the ‘crazies’ like me who spend weeks on a cushion great  making efforts to try and  understand what meditation and the mind are really about.

So while in the laboratory of retreat we had to forge all distraction such as reading, talking, computers and phones which was great! This helps settle the mind, calm it down. Each day we began at 5am and finished at 9am at night. We alternated between sitting and walking meditation which lasted 45 minutes and would have a few breaks and a teaching session in the evening. At first 45 minute was torture. My legs wanted to move, I wanted to swat that fly, scratch, wipe off the sweat drops or fiddle with the cushion, shawl or clothing; anything but sit still. However, as the retreat progressed and the mind settled I found that sitting 45 minutes was not long enough and would happily sit 60 to 70 minutes.

We were attempting to do two kinds of meditation which complement each other. The first is called Calm Abiding; in Pali (the language used at the time of the Buddha) it is called Samatha, in Tibetan, Shiny and is an exercise in focusing the mind on an object. If you have ever tired meditation you will know that the mind is constantly thinking, either about the past, the future. It re-visits old events re-inventing the ending, regretting what might have been or invents a fantasy future, scheming ways in which to conquer the world or at least grab a bit of happiness. Very, very seldom is the mind fully in the now. So the purpose of meditation is not to stop the thoughts but simple not to be taken in by them, not follow them but just to see them for what they are; i.e. moments in the mind stream that arises and passes. Ven. Antonio, the retreat leader mentioned that about 90% of what we think either never happens or is a complete exaduration or misinterpretation of what is happening will happen or happened.  Interesting?

Anyway we all sat on our cushions and attempted to focus the mind on the breath. The breath is a very natural object of observation, an anchor that we can come back to when the mind goes off with a thought. So focusing, or a better word to use is, resting the mind on the object of meditation, i.e. on the breath. We were instructed to watch the stomach rise and fall, feel the air pass through the nose and into the lungs. We tried not to control the breath, hold it, or distort its natural rhythm but rather we attempted to “let the breath breathe.” Sounds easy but give it a try. The hardest thing in attempting calm abiding is sitting still with the spine straight, to not move and learn to manage any pain that comes. When pain did come the technique teaches to acknowledge the pain, label it as pain but then return to the breath. To try and not let the mind get into a whole story about how much the pain hurts but just observe it without judgment and creating a story about it; such as “Oh my God my legs will fall off if I don’t move.” No one’s legs ever fell off from sitting still but it is quiet funny how the mind will create a complete myth to get you distracted from finding out how the mind works.  The mind is very much like a naughty child, who does not want the parent to find out what it has been up to. Try it…. Just try watch what your mind is doing and for sure it will invent some activity that needs your urgent attention. So anyway this struggle went on for days, trying not to follow the thoughts but rather focus on watching the breath do its thing and attempting to sit and get comfortable with pain. In this way after about 5/6 days the mind did calm down and it was very pleasant to have a contented mind.

The Tibetans have a great image which shows the 9 stages of meditation which is helpful in understanding the process. It also give me some hope that it is possible to calm and focus the mind on what you want to and not have the mind charging alone like a crazed elephant. This image is painted on most Tibetan mediation halls and I would often spend time examining the one on the Gompa (meditation hall) at Root Institute. So here it is. At first the monk/meditator is chasing the black untamed elephant which is being led by the black monkey and slowly the monk tames the elephant and monk show by the animals becoming white. The last picture shows the monk riding the white elephant with the money beside him. I think it is pretty cool way to show what is a very intricate and difficult process.

Next came Special Insight meditation, in Pali it is called Vipassina, in Tibetan, Lacktong. Having accomplished some amount of calmness of mind, stability and focus of the mind, we next used that focus to examine the present, the now. It is easy to understand intellectually that the present is impermanent, like our thoughts the present arises and passes but the trick it to experience the present, not with thought and thinking but in feeling. For it is immersion if the full, visceral experience of any activity that we come to know it; only by doing do we get acquainted and become expert. You have probably had the experience of being so engrossed with an activity that you truly enjoy an activity where all you senses are activated and your mind is completely focuses, so much so that you lose all sense of time, all sense of self; the ego melts away and true joy and contentment arises. So in this way just as we used the breath in Calm Abiding to focus, we used the senses in Special Insight to gain experience and come to know of the present. 
First the sense of touch; we were instructed to feel all sensations of the body. The skin sweating, the numbness and tingling of muscles, the digestion working and of course pain. The practice here is again just to observe without the mind making up a story about the sensations just watching and letting go and with this we are completely in the present. Then we could also observe sounds coming and going again not liking or disliking just letting the sound be sound. This was funny because Bodhgaya is not the quiet place it used to be and we had all kind of noises to deal with from school children on megaphones, to wedding music and chanting, or I should say yelling of prayers at 5am. The memory of one teacher came to mind who said that attempting meditation in Las Vegas is real practice…. Hahah   well today meditation in Bodhgaya is a real challenge and it was funny how after 8/9 days, sound did just become sound and I was not disturbed by it This is a wee miracle considering how much I can get agitated by noise. Smell did not figure much as we were in a lovely environment with no bad smells. Now sight was a tough one. We meditated with the eyes slightly open, this stop the meditator from becoming to sleepy. To let movement be movement was tough as there was always someone fidgeting, and just when I managed to get my mind settled the person next to me or in front of me would move and there went my mind creating a story about that person moving. On a good day the story would be, “oh, poor lass, she must have sore knees, or she is maybe remembering a bad memory” and that thought would be followed with the urge to give her a hug. Then on a bad day when my mind was all tight a wound up with some negative obsession it would say, “Geeze that woman has to be crazy that she can’t sit still,” and that negative though would be followed with the urge to grab her hands to stay still or go punch her. Interesting how the object is the same but my mind creates the story from which all actions can help or harm. During meal time we were instructed to explore the sense of taste; i.e. eat slowly, focus on the taste of each mouthful and let it all just be taste without like or dislike.

We also practiced walking meditation which is a beautiful practice. I truly enjoyed it and it complimented the sitting practice in that whatever focus we managed to get during sitting we then tried to maintain it during walking. This trains the mind to be aware and mindful when moving. I learned to move slowly, lifting the foot, shifting the weight of the body, planting the foot on the earth, feeling the earth and connecting with it as I balanced, then lifting the next foot and moving. Yes it is defiantly rocket science but a beautiful experience and it took you into the now. Coming out of retreat I could not help but noticed how uncontrolled we humans are in out movements. Here in India maybe more so than in the west but people bump into each other, wave or swing their arms in all directions, talk and walk without looking or looking behind and walking forward. It is funny to watch after retreat but also a bit sad as movement is a reflection of just how distracted a person’s mind is.

Anyway I hope I have explained this clearly but maybe I have confused you even more. So my apologies and I ask for your patience as I am trying to comprehend this experiment as I go.

So this process takes months even years to perfect and the aim is the meditator to seeing and experience the true nature of the self and reality around us; to conquer the final frontier of the mind. For me, this beginner meditator I felt chunks of ego, worry, fear and confusion fall away and contentment arise.

Requirements for Mahayana Meditation.

The first requirement is an amount of renunciation of the idea that worldly activities can bring ultimate happiness.  This does not mean that you give away all your possessions, or stop enjoying life but rather recognize that possessions and pleasurable experiences can’t bring true happiness. This is kind of obvious because why would you lock yourself away from the world if you were not sick of it in some form or another. Anyway this sense of renunciation that is emerging within me is probably due to several factors; my age with its lack of desire to keep rushing around and the wisdom to recognize what is more important activity to spend my precious time on; life experience complete with its disappointments and non lasting glimpses of happiness; getting an education, which made me realized that educational, materialistic, political, economic, religious and nationalistic systems are all forms of control fueled by greed and or fear; and lastly just watching so many people investing their precious lives in relatively meaningless pursuits that distract them from the basic facts that we all endure disease, illness, old age and death. The song which inspired me years ago when I was starting on the Buddhist path is by Bjork, “there’s more to life that this”http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jz5Yj25mvTI

So some amount of renunciation of the belief that this world can bring ultimate happiness.  Check!

 Then comes acquiring some amount of Bodhichitta, which is the altruistic wish to benefit, help and see others happy. Just hang around India, or down town any city in the world and see the homeless, the drunks and druggies, the prostitutes, the beggar children or the well designer dresses people with their cell phones, jewelry, inflated egos, bad manners and stressed out faces and any person with half a heart would have the wish for all our fellow human beings to be happy. So we all have the capacity for Bodhichitta to arise and I am trying to make it a habit. Check! 

The Right View is the 3^rd requirement for successful meditation in the Mahayana tradition. Right View is twofold; recognition of impermanence and our interdependent nature and the recognition of cause and effect. All things and all people are dependent on each other for our happiness and sadness, for our food, clothing and housing, our practice of anger, patience, generosity or stinginess, for there being peace or war. We cannot get away from this basic fact but yet we do not see it and even go as far as to say we are individuals; what rubbish, what pretension, how sad we are not grateful to all people not just our immediate family, friends or community. Cause and effect relates to our actions, whether they are of body speech or mind they all have a result. Results of actions are experienced in this life and if you like the idea of a next life then the next life too, but let’s stick to this life, what we can experience. For example, keep anger, suspicion and greed in your mind or keep kindness, patience and generosity in your mind and it will determine if people want to be around you or not. These mind sets will also it will determine the type of death you have. So I am trying, often struggling to remember my interconnectedness to others, avoiding harmful actions and creating positive actions. I try to practice kindness toward the annoying person because he gives me the opportunity to practice patience. To be grateful to the auto driver who drives me to my guest house at night, even if he does rip me off for 10 extra rupees. To be humbled by and great full to the teacher, class mates, parents, friends and lama’s who have taught me everything from washing behind my ears and eating my greens, the ABC’s,  how to use facebook, to the high level of Buddhist philosophy which I am contorting my brain and body to understand. Thanks yi all, could not be here now without you.

So, Renunciation, Bodhichitta and the Right View are needed for Mahayana meditation to be somewhat successful. I am in no way saying I have these qualities but I am trying to develop them  and can understand as well as appreciate why they are a necessary foundation for further steps on this path. These qualities are not easy to develop but this is why it is all called mind training and why many label Buddhism; science of the mind.